Toby & Judah

When and where did the proposal take place, and how did it unfold?

TOBY: Judah had actually planned four separate proposals before the big beach proposal. The other plans, which he told me about after, were equally romantic and special. But the pandemic changed the course of what he initially dreamt up and he ended up doing something nearby in Bridgehampton. The proposal started off as one of our typical Sunday morning beach walks. At some point during our conversation and music-filled stroll, we approached a little inlet – the proposal spot. As we got closer and closer, Judah thought I would notice a humongous heart in the sand made from red rose petals and carefully placed rocks that spelled out, “Marry Me?” – but he was wrong.
I kind of experienced one of those classic proposal black-outs so it took me a minute to realize what in fact was going down. In an effort to be more obvious, Judah said, “I wanted to take you to this special spot on the beach because I have a really important question to ask you.” He then dropped down on one knee and asked me to marry him. My response was of course, “YES!” I was truly in such a state of shock even though this moment was a long time coming.

How did you choose what you wore?

TOBY: I wore a diamond necklace my parents bought me when I was a little girl but have been saving and holding until my wedding. My mom also loaned me these beautiful pearl and diamond earrings to wear. I wanted my jewelry to feel timeless and blend in with the ensemble.

As for my wedding dress, that’s a much longer story. I had always dreamed of wearing my mother’s wedding dress at my own wedding, but it had been misplaced for years. I had essentially written off as lost forever. With that reality, I worked with Mark Ingram Atelier to design a white lace Mira Zwillinger gown. However, at the 11th hour, after many exhaustive searches of my grandmother’s house and ours, I was able to find my mother’s wedding dress — hidden and tucked away in a random closet in the attic. The now 40 year old dress (my two aunts had also worn it) was yellow, with very fragile lace, and in need of pretty serious restoration. Jonathan Scheer of J. Scheer & Co was the only person who we trusted to restore it with the same precision and care he and his team bring to his restoration work for the MET Costume Institute and the Louvre. My mom and I kept the dress discovery a secret to everyone, so it was only when my dad prepared to walk me down the aisle at the ceremony did he and my family recognize the origins of the dress from decades before. Given the broader circumstances in which we were being married, wearing “something borrowed” that stood as a symbol of intergenerational connection and resilience was particularly meaningful. And given the delicateness of the garment, I was able to switch into the Zwillinger gown for the reception and let loose a bit — creating a “something new” moment with a dress of my own. I hope one day my daughter will want to wear either.

On your day, what was your first thought when you woke up in the morning?

TOBY: The first thought when I woke up the morning of our wedding was, “Wow, this is really it.” I was honestly so relaxed and excited and couldn’t wait to see Judah.

How did you choose your wedding venue and aesthetic?

TOBY: When we decided we wanted to get married in 2020, we realized that our venue needed to be accessible by car for our family. But since we had initially thought we wanted to have our wedding in Italy, our vision for a romantic, picturesque European venue was a dream we clung onto. When our wedding planner had shown us Glenmere Mansion, a historic, majestic Tuscan-villa inspired home in Hudson Valley, we knew this would be the absolute perfect place. It would be that dreamy European aesthetic in every way but would be only a short, hour-long drive away for our guests. Of all the spaces at Glenmere Mansion, we most gravitated towards its beautiful garden. Since our guest list was less than 50 people, we were able to utilize that space which would not have been possible with a larger guestlist. I believe so strongly in the adage, “everything happens for a reason.”

If you had to choose, what would you say was the best part of your wedding day?

TOBY: There were so many highlights and beautiful, unexpected moments of our wedding day but Judah’s vows were probably the most memorable part of our wedding day. I can’t even describe the magnitude of that moment; even thinking about it makes me cry.

What was the original plan for your wedding?

TOBY: I think one of the things that makes our wedding unique among “Covid” weddings is the fact that this was not a Plan B or even a plan at all. Judah and I had actually no plans of getting married in 2020, but after 12 years of knowing each other and an especially formative quarantine period with one another, we felt we needed to get married and start our lives together, And though a large-scale wedding in a remote destination may have once been a shared dream, the global pandemic made us reevaluate our priorities and not want to take any days with loved ones for granted. For us, putting our lives on hold indefinitely for one type of party wasn’t how we wanted to begin this new chapter. And it ultimately felt much more intentional and meaningful than we could have ever imagined.

What advice would you give to couples planning their wedding during COVID pandemic?

TOBY: I would recommend working with a planner who most understands your, your partner and family’s priorities and sensitivity levels around the pandemic. Maria Seremetis who has done several family weddings and events truly knew me, my family and got to know Judah and his family very well throughout the planning process. She understood (and agreed with) our shared values and our number one priority which was health, safety and wellness for our guests. As a result, Maria executed on that in every protocol and planning measure together with us. It just helps when you don’t have to explain yourself at every step of the way. We were always on the same page and that made all the difference in the world.